A FLAWED GENIUS

Anyone who regularly uses iTunes will be familiar with the Genius - a bit of Apple software which looks at your music library and then throws up a bunch of other songs you will probably like. Apple are constantly tweaking it to make Genius more effective but I've always been cynical about its powers of prescription.

As a result I've decided to listen to the 10 songs it's recommending me right at this very moment to see how well it knows me. Will I listen in joyful amazement as the sweetest music I've never heard in my life floats out of my laptop speakers or will I simply emerge with a heightened sense of hatred for machines and their smug, corporate creators?

First up on the iTunes Genius list is something called Shoot Your Shot by Divine. This doesn't bode well for the rest of the list - it's the kind of techno they play at Butlins when the kids have gone back to bed. I have no idea why iTunes thinks I would like this. 3/10 (I can just about enjoy it ironically).

Next is Long Red by Mountain. I can get this. Mountain are the kind of band I always thought I should have liked but never actually liked. This song is a perfectly acceptable slice of American 70s rock with an addictive draw organ line. Gets dull quickly though. 6/10

You Can't Say No Forever by Lacrosse. Nice album artwork but this is basically chirpy pop-folk music for mobile phone adverts. Get some balls please. 5/10

Finally a bit of quality courtesy of Dock Boggs' Country Blues. Anyone who thinks they know what every song with the word 'blues' in the title sounds like would do well to check out this fine bit of story-telling set to a driving, mid-tempo banjo accompaniment. 9/10

What, more dance music? Armand Van Helden? A song actually NYC Beat? This is shit iTunes and I have no idea why you think I would like this. This music sounds like what Armand Van Helden looks like. 1/10

Next up we have Cause of Death by venerable Floridian death metal men Obituary. It's good! John Tardy's vocals are vomitous - he sounds very unhappy. And the song does that neat thing where the tempo is slowed right down but is still underpinned by a fast, double kick drum assault. 8/10

Genius goes back to throwing random shit at me to see what sticks. This time it's Twist Myself Again by Booji Boy High. I don't know why but I assumed it was going to be dance hall ragga. It is in fact minimal electronic indie music that sounds like the worst excesses of the Central Saint Martins common room. It takes two minutes before I realise I really hate it. Extremely bad. 2/10

More 70s guitar music provided by the group who's name make them sound like the house band on a late-night chat show - Atlantis. The song is called Living At The End Of Time and it cracks along in its own indulgent, prog-lite way for nigh-on 10 minutes. Good music to cook to I should imagine. 7/10

A House Is Not A Home by a band called Field Music. God, this was so almost good. As a rule I hate when bands with rock drummers also have violin players. It just sounds horrible to my ears. This track has an engaging, slightly deranged rhythm, but it's all for nothing in the end. Boring crap that might be a chart-topping sensation for all I know. 4/10

Last up we have The Fire And The Fury by Firewind. European power metal of the most forgettable, plastic variety. If you live in Athens, have no friends and think Strotavarius are a bit too "raw" then you this is for you. Likewise, if you're a Japanese professional wrestler looking for an entrance theme you'd do well to look into Firewind's back catalogue. The fact that these guys have also covered Maniac (of Flashdance fame) should tell you everything you need to know about them. 4/10

So there we have it. Averaging out at around 4/10 I think the men and women at iTunes have some way to go before they can claim to have a handle on my musical tastes.