DISGUSTING LUXURY IPHONE/PAD CASES

People are prepared to pay through the nose for an Apple device. It stands to reason then, they will not hesitate to buy expensive but distasteful accessories. Here are some of the worst-looking luxury embellishments on the market.

Oscar de la Renta Degrade Python iPad Clutch | $399

What they think it says - So fierce. As fierce as a lion dressed as Paris Hilton, dressed as RuPaul getting euphoric on PCP.

Looks like a gigantic version of something Lil' Wayne would cap his teeth with. Conspicuous and disgusting.

DeBethune DBM iPhone case | $thousands

What they think it says - A call back to an earlier, better age. Lose yourself in the chestnut brown, full-grain alligator leather. Luxuriate in the blue steel clock hands.

What kind of self-hating pseud feels the need to play dress up with gadgets? This is just the fraudulent Shoreditch-gentleman equivalent of putting dolls in pretty dresses.

Personalised steel iPad case | £50

What they think it says - Show fellow cafe-dwellers your cold, hard man-soul. And let them know your name.

Aside from the fact that this probably makes the iPad at least as heavy as a small laptop it also looks like shit.

Dolce and Gabbana iPhone Case and Coin Purse | $545

What they think it says - ACTUAL SALES BULLSHIT: Shimmering sequins and gold chains surround an Italian calfskin carrying case that keeps your phone safe, while a logo medallion dangles form the front.

I'm not an aggressive or violent person but you took one of these out in a public place I would definitely mug you. Not because I wanted the case, or even the dangling logo medallion. But simply because you'd deserve to be harmed.

BONUS RETARDED IPHONE ACCESSORY!

The iVictrola | $400

What they think it says - You'll be the talk of the town once the other over-moneyed nostalgia freaks get a load of your novelty toy. Parp! It's old-timey!

This is an expensive visual gag. One which you will resent having to look at after about three weeks.