SOLDIERS OF GORE-TUNE: WHY CANNIBAL CORPSE ARE BETTER THAN YOUR FAVOURITE BAND

I know what you're thinking - "How can Cannibal Corpse be my favourite band? I haven't ever heard them/don't like death metal/find the lyrics unpalatable/fell out with George 'Corpsegrinder' Fisher years ago." The truth is Cannibal Corpse are one of the greatest bands on Earth - and this coming from someone (me) who doesn't even dig death metal a whole lot.

Not since the 70s has their been a band so successful and yet so prolific. Cannibal Corpse are basically an arena death metal band - selling out huge venues, getting their albums in the billboard charts and shifting huge amounts of merchandise from Maryland to Malaysia. And despite all this, up until 2006 they were putting out on average an album a year. Let's take a closer look at why Cannibal Corpse are better than your favourite band.

Imagine what would happen if in 10 years time the Fleet Foxes had released eight more albums, without a drop in quality. Music journalists would be tripping over each other in the race to shower them with accolades. Sadly when a death metal band accomplishes this (while maintaining a grueling tour schedule no less) the best they can hope for is to be treated like an amusing side-show.

Butchery my meat hooks sharpened to penetrate
Emasculate, gouging crotches I will eat
Meathook Sodomy

Actually listen to unhinged classics like Fucked With A Knife, I Cum Blood and Hammer Smashed Face, and you'll notice how intelligent their riffs are. To get technical for a moment, most death metal bands write guitar parts that kind of float over the top of the blast beats - keeping time but perhaps only changing the notes at the start of each measure. Cannibal Corpse write riffs which map perfectly over the top of blast beats - changing notes on every hit of the snare drum. Initially this simply creates a relentless bludgeoning sound, but once you've heard the songs once or twice the actual music starts to emerge.

The result is that Cannibal Corpse have developed their own unique sound - one which is deceptively hard to imitate. Their songs all possess the same oppressive, blood-rusted-cleaver quality. If you write music here's a challenge: write a song that sounds malicious. Write a song that actually sounds like a mentally ill man's murder fantasies. Write it so that each component part of the song is devoid of levity or any discernible melody but at the same time make it compelling enough so that people will actually want to listen to it.

This is what makes Cannibal Corpse special - you can believe in them. In a world where film, music and literature frequently miss their targets by a mile Cannibal Corpse are dependably accurate. Their bull's eye is a festering, unholy gash and they hit it every time.

Knee-deep in the blood of the dead
Cranial separation
Sex with her severed head
Pick-Axe Murders

As a live unit Cannibal Corpse tick every box that a death metal band need tick. They are a compact, merciless killing machine that lays waste to every venue fool enough to host them. They are so precise, so eerily tight, that the blast beats, sub-sonic guitar chuggery and insane tempo changes actually hit you as heavy, instead of just a blurry mess. To top it all off Cannibal Corpse are also experienced practitioners of the age-old tradition of headbanging-in-unison - a visually satisfying spectacle which is sadly on the wane.

It took me a while to get what Cannibal Corpse were about but now that I have I think my life will definitely be improved. How nice to know that out there in that lazy world of ours, filled with corner-cutters, copy-cats and crap-peddlers there's a band of guys doing something so weird so well. I know that nine out of ten days I won't feel like listening to a song about sodomising dead children but on that one day when I do I know where to turn.

P.S. If you need further convincing that this band are accomplished musicians watch the first 20 seconds of this video.