BOOKER 2009: THIS TIME IT'S FICTIONAL

Man. Booker. Prize. Booker. Prize. Man. Man. Prize-prize. Man. Any way you say it the Man Booker Prize is big news. Old people, English teachers and autistic teenagers the world over are at this very minute engaged in fevered debate over who takes this year's award. The judges are priming themselves - soon they will gather round the winner to shower them in a literary bukkakalypse.

But what if - like most people - you believe that books without pictures are simply heretical, pointless devilment? What then? Don't worry. Simply read this handy synopsis-guide to some of Booker 2009's front-running titles. It'll set you straight.

Hilary Mantel | Wolf Hall
Mantel's chilling re-telling of Jane Eyre, in which all the principle characters are recast as wolves, has been described as "lively". Although the plot stays close to the original, the decision to translate all the dialogue into howls, snorts and barks casts Jane and Mr Rochester's relationship in a whole new light.

Ed O’Loughlin | Not Untrue & Not Unkind
Who would have thought that a long list of statements which are "not untrue and not unkind" would make such fascinating and compelling reading? Choice excerpts include "an ocean is a large body of water", and "the Chinese are - in general - a hard working people".

Adam Foulds | The Quickening Maze
What's scarier than a maze? How about a maze which somehow speeds up the aging process of all those who enter into its leafy realm? The film rights for Fould's psychological-romance (in a maze) were sold to Universal this year. Ben Affleck is in talks to direct and star as the titular maze.

Sarah Hall | How to Paint a Dead Man
Controversial martial arts-decorator Sarah Hall spills the beans on exactly how much gloss paint needs to be applied to a man's skin before his pores clog up and he suffocates. It turns out it's not much at all.



J M Coetzee | Summertime
Two-time Booker-winner Coetzee's explosive, and entirely unwarranted, racist tirade against "thieving Turks". Over the course of 1,540 pages Coetzee tears apart Turkish people, culture and history with scant regard for decency or truth. Contains a truly mesmerising final chapter in which Coetzee imagines that you, the reader, are in fact Turkish.

Sarah Water | The Little Stranger
An oversight at the printing press meant that Waters' book was published with one letter missing from its title. Her gruesome, unflinching autobiography of Ernie "The Vile Dwarf" Gower (aka The Little Strangler) is not for the faint-hearted.